Sunday, May 27

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if you are an auto racing fan, and enjoy mindlessly watching cars make left turns while you swill beer in front of the tv on a lovely spring day when you really should be outside the excitement of Nascar and Indy car racing, today is your day.  If you don't like watching racing, there is golf on tv, too - so, something for everyone.  don't say i didn't tell ya.

good article in the trib about how bad flying on United sucks since the failure of a merger with Continental - I think I wrote of how bad United sucks after my experience coming back from San Francisco a few months ago.  anyway, United sucks big time.
http://www.chicagotribune.com/business/ct-biz-0527-flights--20120526,0,7754938.story

so, given the geniusness of my "ass rape tax" posting on Friday, I have a concept that will continue the proud tradition of the airlines violently ass raping us passengers:
- each seat will be fitted with a long proboscus that will ass rape you throughout the flight.  Removing the ass raping apparati will cost you $750 per flight.  You will also get a bag of pretzels included.
- all seats will be middle seats in the back of the plane.  if you want a seat on the aisle, or in the front half of the plane, it will cost you an extra $1000 per flight segment.
- everyone will be seated next to a really fat, smelly passenger....who will try to ass rape you mid flight even if you have paid to have the ass raping apparati removed from your seat.   if you do not wish to be seated next to a fat, smelly, ass rapist, you can pay an extra $750 per flight segment. 
- you can buy a future pass, like the one for lifetime first class travel, that will allow you to escape all future ass rape initiatives enacted by the airlines....and, there will be many, so an investment in the ass rape prevention program will be prudent.

there are plenty of applications of my ass-rapery logic.  we are seeing more applications of it in everyday life.....the price of a barrel of oil has gone down $14 in the last week...but the price of a gallon of gas has gone up 15 cents in that same time....BECAUSE DRIVERS ARE MORE LIKELY TO BE BUYING GAS ON THE HOLIDAY WEEKEND.  ass rapery. 

so, if sanjay jha, formerly of mororola can leave with a $64 million severance, how many millions do I deserve for my creative application of ass rape techniques?????  my geniusness needs to be embraced, and perhaps I should be an ass rape economist. 

(author's note - I have never been ass raped, nor do I want to be.  my use of the term stems from hearing a perfect application of the term "ass rape" from my son.  who says we do not learn from out children?).

so - enjoy the weekend.  fire up the grill.  anyone know how I could grill peas?

greelyoupeez
eachopeez
we all we got.

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